Black Leather and Sugarcane

I can't believe this is album number nine! I look back, and I've come so far. I'd say my composing has gotten much more skilled and masterful since, say, Occultation, or even Revolutions. It feels like it started really evolving with my sixth album, Dialectical Observations, when I consciously started attempting a more neoclassical tone. In that way, it feels like my sixth album should have been my first, but then we wouldn't have songs such as "Slowly Scooting Closer" and "The Cloud Walkers," and we couldn't have that, could we? No, my songwriting has been growing at its own pace and produced many gems along the way, but it has been growing, and I think with this album I've produced some of my best work yet. When I felt that Saturn Ascending was right up there with Dialectical Observations as one of my favorite things I'd ever done, I felt I was making a major achievement. And now I feel I've created another comparable album.

There's a certain amount of self-congratulating here. I've been incredibly persistent with this music business, and because of that persistence, I've been growing as an artist. I've been doing this for almost five years, at which point I plan to measure my success and think seriously about whether I should be devoting so much time and energy into this. But it's the most fulfilling thing I've been doing. There is more to life than music, however. And there are other career paths that could complement my music. I've thought a lot about a sound engineering school in Arizona over the past couple of years. And I have family that wants me to move to Tennessee. There's also friends that want me to move to Brighton, England. But what I really want is a path that will take me back to the Pacific Northwest, or maybe even elsewhere along the United States West Coast. But I'd need a much more lucrative career for that option. And so far, my music hasn't been making me a whole lot of money. Just enough to keep on publishing it, really. But I always hope that something will give and it will gain much wider exposure and recognition.

I got my 2019 Spotify Wrapped, and that was both encouraging and discouraging. Discouraging because I don't have a ton of followers, but I did reach people in the hundreds across sixty-two countries. If I look at Spotify as only a fraction of my audience, and take into account all the other streaming platforms, then I think I could be moderately impressed with myself. I get weekly feedback from Apple Music, and those numbers always amuse and impress me. My songs get Shazamed quite a bit, and it's funny to me which ones are enjoying the most popularity, because it's often unexpected. Okay, "Fleeting Fractals" is kind of a given, as my most popular song, but "Man Seeking Cocoon"? And "Roundabout"? Those are kind of out of left field.

But this is all numbers. The true measure of my success is that I touch some lives, that my music is genuinely adored by some, and that it fulfills me to create it.

And so here we are nine albums later. This wasn't even supposed to be an album. You know my formula is usually to release two EPs, and then a full-length album. But this has been a busy season of songwriting for me. I had seven songs and the release date set. Those seven songs were "Jade's Theme," "Milkweed," "My Secret Life," "Allure," "Germing," "Causality," and "Discordia." But in rare form, I wrote "Empathica" and "The White Lands" each in one day, and I really wanted them to have a place on the EP. But if it was truly going to be an EP, I should limit it to seven tracks, and so then I would have to choose two to replace. That was proving to be a really hard decision, so I thought maybe I should just release a nine-track album. After all, Dialectical Observations is only nine tracks. But there were also certain songs from the EP Compromises that I wanted to include on a full-length album: "For Simplicity's Sake," "What the Hell," and "Bare Arms." With those three songs, I could have a respectable twelve-track album. So I put it to a vote on Facebook: seven tracks, nine tracks, or twelve tracks. Everyone voted twelve, including my reason for releasing the album on the 18th.

Yes, this album goes out to a special someone, one of my oldest friends and sometimes lover, Bryant Mansell. I love you, man. Happy birthday. Thanks for all the years.

I have to confess, though, that this version of "Jade's Theme" was written for my mom's birthday. There's a longer version of it that transitions from the cello into the usual piano. For the purposes of this album, though, I kept it short and eerie. It seemed strange to me not to transition into something fast-paced and harder hitting, but "Bare Arms" was a natural fit, also being slow and somewhat eerie, and I do believe it introduces the piano and electronic elements of the album rather well. And I introduce the guitars and the more metallic elements of the album next in "Milkweed." After that, the album switches moods from song to song, and I just based the transitions on how well the beginnings and ends of songs fit together.

It may not sound like it, but the inspiration for "For Simplicity's Sake" and "Causality" were actually taken from the same piece of music, a simple piano theme that plays on the DVD menu of season one of Falling Skies. I guess "For Simplicity's Sake" just took it in a lighter direction, and "Causality" in a darker and harder direction.

For this album, I drew inspiration from other songs of mine, sometimes recycling piano riffs. For example, "Discordia" revolves around a brief interlude from "Germing." "The White Lands" comes from the closing refrain of "Empathica." "My Secret Life" comes from the opening notes of "Dark Highways." I don't think of this as regurgitating more of the same. This is more like the further exploration of certain themes. Each of these songs became something completely different than their source material. "My Secret Life" is probably most similar to "Dark Highways," but it goes in a radically metallic direction, inspired by Nine Inch Nails. I also took a page from "What the Hell" and translated the piano to electric guitar in two octaves. 

Speaking of which, I remastered "What the Hell" for this album, focusing specifically on trying to clarify that there are two electric guitars in two octaves at work during its initial hardcore burst. I also remastered "Bare Arms" for this album to try and bring out the bass synth a bit more, and an electronic "blat" that inserts itself in lines of the percussion.

"Discordia," "What the Hell," and "My Secret Life" are probably this album's "hardcore" songs. There's metallic elements in other songs, but no straight-up metal interludes. For example, there's heavy guitar in "Empathica," but that's more of a trip-hop song, heavily inspired by beats by Thom Yorke. "Allure" has percussive distorted guitar, but it's definitely a neoclassical tune, with its own trip-hoppy beat and heavy bass synth. "Germing" has an electric guitar solo and a few chords, but is again a straightforward neoclassical ballad. And "Causality" has a hard rock solo, but definitely leans toward darker trip-hop.

If you've read Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, you may note that a few of the song titles are taken from settings in those books. The series got me through one of the darkest periods of my life, when I was largely couch-bound for over a year after an intense hospitalization. They inspired me to release my debut EP on the 19th of February. Well, I'm rereading the series - on the final book right now - and "Allure," "Discordia," "Empathica," and "The White Lands" all owe their titles to settings in the books.

I had this album all set to go by December 5th, hoping to get it into the distributor that day, for a simultaneous release across the board. However, it was not to be. To match the cover art for the "My Secret Life" single, I again commissioned artist Zach Shattuck for the cover art. However, the art wasn't ready by the 5th. I had backup art by Cyril Rolando in mind, but I really wanted "My Secret Life" and Black Leather and Sugarcane to go together. So I decided to exercise patience and let the chips fall where they may. However, when he told me he could have something ready on the 8th, and then the 9th came, I started to panic. He confessed to me that inspiration had failed to strike him, and offered to let me use something he'd already created instead. I told him to send me something that felt like a fit for the album, and this was one of the options he sent me:

When I was going to bring out some purple in the image, he got inspired to play with color filters. He came up with the orange starscape that was used in the final cover, chosen because it's a better color match for "My Secret Life" (and because orange is one of my favorite colors).

Because of the artwork delay, the album wasn't released everywhere at once on midnight of the 18th. Right now you can find it at YouTube and YouTube Music, Spotify, Google Play, Apple Music and iTunes, Amazon, Deezer, iHeartRadio, Napster, Pandora, and TIDAL.

That's it for now. I already have seven songs written toward a new EP, though not all of them may be included, and others may be written. I've been finishing songs almost within twenty-four hours lately, and writing multiple songs a week. At this rate, I could have another full-length album by February! But I highly doubt I'm going to do that. After skipping an EP in favor of a longer release, I think it's time to do something short and sweet. That could be coming to you as early as sometime in January...I'll have to check friends' birthdays. But for the moment, I'm planning on the anniversary of Sunward/Moonward, February 5th. Until then, may your inner snails remain resilient and determined.

P.S. Here's a bonus song guaranteed to be on the next EP to make you feel a little extra special!

My Secret Life

I wouldn't normally do this until sometime the next day. It's 2:30am right now, and I am equal parts excited and depressed. I'm excited because of this beautiful new single that I have to offer you, and because there's so much more I'm about to give you. It's an exciting time for me, musically. I had enough songs build up that, even being picky, I could hardly not justify an EP, and the title Black Leather and Sugarcane randomly came to me. Well, another couple of songs burst forth, and I mean burst. Each one was written (first full-length draft) in about a day. So, I had a dilemma of replacing existing songs on a seven-track EP with these two new ones...or releasing a nine-track album? But as long as I was going to release an album, why not just include songs from my last EP Compromises - of which there were three I wanted to include on my next album - for a solid total of twelve tracks? I asked for some feedback, and everyone said "do the twelve-track album." Did I mention I was planning on releasing Black Leather and Sugarcane on the birthday of one of my oldest and dearest friends? Well, as it turns out, he's getting a twelve-song, full-length album, dedicated to him and released on his birthday. Happy birthday, William Bryant Mansell. I love you.

But even with all that positivity and good energy, my heart kind of hurts right now. I guess part of it is that I just learned my dear second-mother (of my logical family, as opposed to biological or lawful) is living downstairs from my former flat, and she's looking for an upstairs neighbor. And I'm no position to be moving back to Oregon right now. It would practically be a dream come true if I could. Every time I see ferns on the ground around giant evergreens, with moss and mushrooms all over the place, I think, "Oh, Pacific Northwest, how I miss thee." I know, it's too liberal for everyone in my biological and step family, except for the youngest generation. Me, I'd just like to be in a place more accepting of sexual and gender minorities where there's clean rivers to swim in, and you can smoke pot with your picnic lunch. Plus, there's a bunch of people I miss on the west coast. They might be all spread out now, from San Francisco to Seattle. And I could only afford to live in what were the "redneck" towns when I was growing up. But those redneck towns have changed a lot, and so have I. I could easily see myself fitting back into them now that we've had some time apart, while putting myself back in a position of easy travel to the "gay meccas" on the "left coast."

I wanted to avoid getting into my political positions. But if I'm honest, that's another part of why I'm depressed. I released this single on the anniversary of another of my singles, "Pulses Intertwined." But "Pulses Intertwined" was released on the anniversary of a very tragic event in my life, and so this is as well. I'm trying to orient the date positively with music, and at least right now I'm not crying and in a dark hole of despair. You see, my older brother killed my father and step-mother with my father's gun on this day. I've spent the last few years living in central Missouri trying to reorient my thinking around firearms. The people who use them or even enthuse over them aren't evil. But my determination to be comfortable around guns has waned - I don't even go practice shooting with my family anymore at our little range next to our house. All I can think of is how much anxiety it causes the dogs, and myself as well. There's just no good that comes of it. But what if a bad guy...? you might say. Yes, so many situations in which a gun might be useful. But they're likelihood doesn't outweigh the consequences or discomfort of living with a firearm for me. When it comes down to it: I just think we're better off without them, and the less guns in the world, the better. And there needs to be an attitude change toward guns. They're not cool and should not be celebrated. They're instruments of death. Let's put our energy into not killing each other or making it easier to kill each other, shall we?

There, I went ahead and got a little political. Sorry about that. As much as this blog is supposed to be about the music - and I used to promote it as my musician's web site - it's also, well, a blog. It's about my thoughts and feelings as much as anything else. And so it's a bit of a form of therapy. And on days like today, I need a little bit of therapy. Of course, I have music for that, too. I release my music on special days to try and make them more about art. And if I have to release a single on this day every year to make it about my music instead of my feelings about gun violence, then that's what I'll do.

A little about the writing of this song: I've been getting into recycling piano riffs lately. That's gone a long way toward getting Black Leather and Sugarcane written. I don't think of it as regurgitating the same thing, but expanding on a theme, like you might hear in a Pink Floyd or Nine Inch Nails album. Of course, this isn't sourced from something else new I've written, but instead comes from Saturn Ascending's "Dark Highways." The first two chords are from it's arpeggios; then I kind of took it back up and down the scale to a greater extreme, giving it a bit of a "lilt," if you will. And because I was inspired by Nine Inch Nails, I translated that piano to electric guitar, on two octaves. It sort of wanted to go all-out metal after that. In the end, it made an interesting spectrum for this song to exist on: part neoclassical ballad, part heavy metal rocker. With electronic elements, of course, pursuing a post-industrial niche I seem to be carving for myself. It was like that with Saturn Ascending; you'll find it's a little more of the same with Black Leather and Sugarcane. Hopefully that's a good thing.

So here's what's going to have to tide you over until Black Leather and Sugarcane on December 18th. "My Secret Life" is available at YouTube and YouTube Music, Spotify, Google Play, Apple Music and iTunes, Amazon, Deezer, iHeartRadio, Napster, and TIDAL. It's also at Pandora, which is new! Man, I've submitted and submitted my stuff to Pandora in the past, but their curators always proved too picky. Even when my distributor started distributing to them, they shunned me. So, it was a surprise to me when I Googled "The Lady anoNYMous" (which I now have a measure of control over the results, which prompted this exercise) and there was a Pandora link! Turns out Compromises is good enough for them, and it may have started a trend. So now "My Secret Life" is on Pandora, and hopefully Black Leather and Sugarcane will be too.

See, there's been some uplifting developments in my world. Missing Oregon and the recent shootings have been sore spots. But the music keeps moving forward, and I largely have you to thank for it. If I wasn't so socially conscious of the origins of Thanksgiving, I would have baked a butternut squash and given thanks to all of you. But instead I was with my mom and step-family, so mine was more the traditional, hang out with people you never see and eat too much kind of affair. I'm not complaining. I've definitely had worse. And there was a lot of puppy entertainment in the form of three large dogs and one very small one. Let's all give thanks for puppies! And that my cats didn't run away because of them.

I also have to give a big shout of thanks to the wonderful fantastic Zach Shattuck. We went to middle school and high school together, and used to be thick as thieves before my gradual descent to dropping out of public school. Out of nowhere, he Facebook messaged me, "Are you The Lady anoNYMous on YouTube?" It turns out he stumbled upon a little album called Dialectical Observations that he rather enjoyed. He threw it out there that if I ever wanted some cover art done... Well, I took him up on it, and this slightly unsettling and very provocative image is what he came up with, based on "My Secret Life." Kind of like watching the devil in a mirror, don't you think? I love it. I think I know what's getting tattooed on my lower back.

Well, that's about everything I wanted to get you up to date on, and to get off my chest. Thanks for the little rant, and the pining away. As usual, I have a bonus song that I hope makes it worth your while. Enjoy!

Hang in there these holidays, my lovelies. I know I'm not the only one that has negative associations with them and struggles just to put one foot in front of the other in what everyone else calls "celebration." So I hope my music can be a beacon and a comfort for you. May your inner snails remain resilient and determined.

Legends of the Small 2.0

Open the playlist in Spotify.

So, I made this playlist a while ago, but at first I was coming up on the release of my latest EP, Compromises, and then was dealing with the promotional circus for that. Since then, I've had my struggles. I was being plagued by double-vision and random losses of equilibrium, even falling down occasionally. My vision was so bad that I couldn't read, watch TV, or operate a computer. I could sort of compose music by remembering where things are, but I couldn't do any detail work. I couldn't drive myself to my therapy sessions or doctors' appointments; I couldn't do much of anything at all. When I went to visit my sister-in-law's family in Tennessee, I tried to go work at their espresso stand for a day. I couldn't even make out the measurements on the blender from two inches away. It was that night I stopped taking Lamiktal. I'd already been conferring with a new primary care doctor, who took me off of Gabepentin, which seemed to eliminate the dizzy spells and falling over. Then I found that without the Lamiktal I was able to see! However, that's my primary bipolar medication. After a week of not taking it, my mother said I was noticeably more angry and sad. It was a fair trade-off for me though. I'd rather be off of medication and moody than on medication and moody because I can't see!

Anyway, now my new primary care physician is trying me out on other medications for the same issues, and I find that I trust him and he's more willing to work with me than other doctors I've had. We haven't exactly found the right cocktail yet. But I am keeping in mind that I'll probably always be a little angsty, a little angry, a little depressed and anxious. When my doctor discovered I'm an "artistic type," he remarked that I probably don't want to try and medicate it all away. We can manage it. But my "instability" is likely fuel for my creative fire. And like I said, I doubt I'll ever be entirely without it. I'm not sure medication can even accomplish that. I don't think I'd want it to.

So the release of Compromises and my own mental health struggles have hindered me a little bit in keeping everything up to date. And there was also that trip to Tennessee, during which I finished writing the upcoming single "My Secret Life," but didn't accomplish anything else music-related. The trip did seem to reaffirm that I might be moving there. It's close to Knoxville, which has a good music scene and is super cute, with a decent liberal population. There actually seems to be a great mix of conservatives and liberals in the area, where I could be a hippie redneck and not stand out too much. Of course, my secret goal is to be a gothic cowboy, but I need to lose weight to pull off my trench coat again, then find a black stetson and some fancy boots. Anyway, Knoxville would probably be good for me, though it could keep me so busy I'd have less time for music. There's a couple of little boys (my sister-in-law's grandsons) who would want to take up my time and energy. They'd be worth it, though. But we'll see how this all unfolds. I won't even know if I'll have a place to live there until February.

For now, things have calmed down a bit. I'm getting my medication adjusted and getting back into writing new music, with a new single on the way, but I'm between releases. So I've turned my attention back to this playlist that I made before Compromises to showcase my last three albums, Dialectical Observations, Pattern Recognition, and Saturn Ascending. It shouldn't be confused with a "best of" album, though I do consider these to be Essential Songs. In a way, it's a continuation of the 47 Essential Songs collection. That's why "Fistfuls of Whimsy" hasn't been included, because it was already on Nothing Left To Lose. But there's some songs not included here that I feel are sorely missing, such as "...That Holds Up The Stars." And "Gravity Time Power Love" is an essential little melody that I'm sure I'm not done with yet, but I had to stick with a certain theme here. And that theme is post-industrial neoclassical songs, preferably that rock. Since I felt a rock vibe was essential, non-neoclassical tunes like "Otaku" got snuck in. But for the most part, I wanted this playlist to showcase the neoclassical direction I've taken with Dialectical Observations and onward.

That mode of songwriting is still sticking with me. You can see it in between the ambient-pop tunes of Compromises. My upcoming single, "My Secret Life," is going to show you how I started with the chords of "Dark Highways" and wrote a metal ballad. I recently finished a song called "Germing" that's along the lines of "Winter's Salve" and "Microcosms." And then there's this bonus tune I'd like to share with you that will most likely accompany the Snail Tunes version of the "My Secret Life" single. This was inspired by the menu music for the season one DVD of Falling Skies, along the same lines as "For Simplicity's Sake."

I've also written a new version of "Jade's Theme" for my mom's birthday, which is the 28th. I may share that on the next EP, or have it floating around somewhere or other. It turned out really well. I happen to be listening right now to another new song, an ambient-metal guitar piece called "Milkweed," as part of the playlist I've put together for my mom's birthday CD. With the new songs and the songs from Compromises I've included, I definitely have enough for a full-length album. I'm not sure if that's my next step or not. You know, usually I release two EPs as I work my way toward a full-length album. I can't decide if I should break away from that formula this time or not. Probably not...but we'll see. I've got some great new songs that work fantastically alongside the likes of "What the Hell," "For Simplicity's Sake," and "Bare Arms." Another post-industrial neoclassical album is definitely on the way.

Until then, my dears, may your inner snails remain resilient and determined.

P.S. If you'd like a download of Legends of the Small 2.0, in a format of your choice, with track art and a PDF booklet, make a pledge at my Patreon!

Compromises

As you may know, I try to release my music on dates of significance, or that are at least significant to me. Well, yesterday happened to be my birthday. I released Elemental pretty close to the mark, but for this EP, I landed it right on the 31st, when I turned 37. Not that it felt like a particularly significant birthday, just a year closer to forty. It's okay, most of the lead actors from television shows and movies that I enjoy are around my age or older. Many are in their forties and looking like they're in their prime. So I'm not particularly stressed about inching closer to my forties. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it, though many days I'm not sure I'll get that far. That's my depression and suicidal ideation talking, which you may know I struggle with. They're the reasons I see a psychiatrist, a therapist, and attend group dialectical behavioral therapy sessions. Hopefully they'll help get me through the years. But I'm trying to ween myself off of medications, which may be responsible for my double-vision and dizziness. And my therapist thinks that, if he's doing his job right, I won't need him forever. In dialectical therapy, we graduate to new levels, of which I'm at level two. We work toward loosely formed and loosely structured meetings, that will eventually be determined by the individual as needed. So, I guess I'm saying that I shouldn't depend on therapy or drugs forever, at least I hope not.

Music is my own form of therapy. It keeps me occupied and optimistic, and keeps me looking forward. Since it doesn't make me much money at this point, it should really be just a hobby. I'm hoping that I'll eventually have a music-related career, such as sound engineering, until I can really call making music my career. Hopefully that will happen someday. But for now, I'm absorbed in making music, which I did almost feverishly over the months since releasing my last album, Saturn Ascending. I came up with eleven songs to choose from for Compromises. I could have made another full-length album, but this felt more like a step toward something that I'm hoping could rival Dialectical Observations and Saturn Ascending. This was more just for fun, to do a little experimentation, and to hone some of the skills I've been developing.

"The Same Boat" was fun. The piano riff, which the rest of the instrumentation stemmed from, was inspired by the opening of The Dresden Dolls' album Yes, Virginia, "Sex Changes." It was something rapid and hopefully catchy. The next component that was formed from it was the acoustic guitar, which I chose because I hadn't really done some acoustic rhythm guitar in a while, and I'd listened to my old song "Overdrive" recently. Because the piano ended up being in a major key, the guitar sounded kind of bouncy. It looked like I was going to end up with something on a more optimistic note. Because it looked like I was going to have something more acoustic, I chose some acoustic drum kits and used a lot of hand drums. The staccato strings added to this acoustic and bouncy feeling, but then, when I experimented with some synths to flesh this song out, it edged slightly toward an EDM tone, brought on by a rhythmic bass synth. I used a couple synths I'd used many times before: some "resonant cables" and the "transistor choir." However, nothing I could do could take away from this song's bouncy and fun feeling, which was okay with me. In the past it's bothered me when when I ended up composing more optimistic songs, as opposed to something dark or fierce. Not so much anymore. It's nice to do something uplifting to keep my spirits up.

"The Truth" was just an experiment in using layers of guitars with different distortions. That's something common in music published by Fluttery Records, which is a label I keep sending demos to. I really like almost everything they put out. Whenever I get an email of something new they've published, I immediately look it up on Apple Music, and am thrilled when I can find it and add it to my library. I'm almost never disappointed, and they pretty much always end up in my "Acoustic/Electric/Eclectic" playlist, and sometimes are even added to my "Another Soundtrack for Another Life" playlist. I was mostly inspired by Sleepstream for this song. I came up with a leading riff on some clean electric guitar, then layered a rhythm guitar with some distortion underneath. Copying the lead guitar on piano, I added some acoustic and orchestral notes to this song with some strings. The beats were inspired by the soundtrack to some television show, I can't remember which. I was going for some clicks on a wooden box and on the rim of a snare, but it doesn't really sound like that, does it? That's okay, I came up with an experimental beat that I really liked. So, all in all, this song was a lot of experimentation, and some fun metal in there. I keep on practicing at the metal guitar, as I think it adds a unique flavor to the mostly ambient and neoclassical songs I compose these days. So you'll notice a lot of metal notes to this EP, just like on Saturn Ascending.

"What the Hell" started out with some acoustic guitar inspired by the blues of the mythic Robert (his last name is different in a different accounts) who supposedly sold his soul to the devil to be the best. This character has been in the books of Charles de Lint, and on the television shows Supernatural and Timeless. I had just watched Timeless. And I came up with an acoustic guitar riff (it's actually two layers of acoustic guitar) that impressed me, and which I found instantly addictive. I thought I would incongruously add some electronic, post-industrial beats, which I programmed in note-by-note. These were a lot of fun.  I just had a lot of fun with this song. The first bout of electric guitar was inspired by Nine Inch Nails. I thought adding some furious toms and snare, and some rapid hi-hat, would be fitting. Then I found myself entering a trip-hop interlude, somewhat similar to the restful "space" I inserted into "They Delving" and "Lily White."  I gradually worked my way up to the main acoustic guitar riff, only to have it give out to some death-metal inspired electric guitar. It organically gave way to the bass, synths, and drums that had been hiding underneath. Unexpectedly, the acoustic bass, piano, and acoustic guitar from the rest of the song fit over this rapid drumming. This song worked out to be one of my new favorites, which I'll probably send out to radio stations, as soon as I get my act together.

Another new favorite is "For Simplicity's Sake." As the title suggests, the instrumentation for this song is quite simple. I think the piano for this song was inspired by the theme that plays on the DVD menu of season one of Falling Skies. That theme has also inspired the piano on the song I'm currently working on, "Causality." It's something that I think is elegant and beautiful in it's simplicity. I kept the strings graceful and the beats mellow for this song. The strings became a bit more complex as I layered two cellos, a viola, and a violin. The flute was just thrown in there to provide a simple melody. Can you tell that the theme here is "keep it simple"? Which is what suggested the title.

"Roundabout" and "Two Sons" were actually composed for Saturn Ascending. But I felt like they didn't fit the more neoclassical theme of the rest of the album, and honestly, they were my two least favorites that I had composed. Don't get me wrong, I think they're both quite good songs. I love the bass riff of "Roundabout" and the piano riffs of "Two Sons." The closing piano of "Two Sons" was actually recycled for "...That Holds Up The Stars" on Saturn Ascending, which is one of my favorite tunes I've ever written. And I felt these songs really needed to be shared. So they were the first and foremost in consideration out of the eleven total for Compromises. They were almost certain to be on it.

I really like the neoclassical and post-industrial elements of "Bare Arms." It began with the piano and subtler beats. The strings were added to provide some grace notes, and the accentuating violin was inspired by my old song "The Nocturnal Dervish." I've been playing around with the lead bass synth for a while now, which I can manipulate to make a sort of buzzsaw sound, inspired by the bass synth in the Tori Amos song "Cruel" on From the Choirgirl Hotel. I'm note quite sure what inspired the rapid keyboard that underlies the segments of layered piano and strings. That was a sort of experiment that I programmed in, which worked surprisingly well, to my delight. The "wah" keyboard that provides some staccato bursts was inspired by the "wah" sound that opens Tool's "Eulogy" from Aenema. So this song is a lot of experimentation, and draws some inspiration from other artists. It also uses some elements that are becoming pretty common in my songs, such as the mechanical sounds of bass synths and clanking percussion. All in all, it comes close to being one of my favorites, and I think would almost be worthy of Saturn Ascending. It's almost certain to be on my next full-length, along with "What the Hell" and "For Simplicity's Sake."

On the Snail Tunes edition of this EP, there's two bonus tracks: "Time Power Gravity Love" and "Grounded and High." "Time Power Gravity Love," of course, is another version of "Power Time Gravity Love," for which I translated the cello melody to piano, and the piano to acoustic guitar (with some modification). "Grounded and High" was something old I took off the shelf, which I thought sounded really good and couldn't believe I hadn't run with. Well, I ran with it this time, finishing it with some piano and electric guitar, and switching up the bass riff a little bit. I had a lot of fun with it, and it came close to taking "The Truth"s' place. It was a tough call. So I just had to include it as a bonus track.

The standard seven-track version of this EP is available at YouTube and YouTube Music, Spotify, Google Play, Apple Music and iTunes, Amazon, Deezer, Pandora, iHeartRadio, Napster, and TIDAL.

As usual, I like to leave you all with a little something special. So here's one of the tracks that didn't make it onto the EP. I tried to come up with a little electronic piano riff that I could recycle, but I think it's a little too bouncy and optimistic. And some of the experimental synths, oddly inspired by Nine Inch Nails, didn't really work for me in the end. But there's some things I really like about it, such as the metal guitars. And some of the techniques and sounds used in this song might pave the way for others. It did come really close to being on the EP or used as one of the bonus tracks. But for now, I think I'll just leave it as a rarity.

I still have in mind to do a review of Lorenzo Masotto's latest album, Frames, and IAMWARFACE put out their debut album (finally!) Year of the Dragon, so there's that too. For now I have to focus on the promotional circus for Compromises. There's tweets to be fired out there, ISRCs to register with SoundExchange, songs to be sent to radio stations and hosts, and the daily link posts and Jukebox posts on my Facebook page. But until the next article, may your inner snails remain resilient and determined.

Three Essential Playlists

Fourth of July has come and gone, thank the gods. It's not that I dislike the holiday, really. The representation of war that fireworks emulate is a bit off-putting, as are the loud noises and the negative effect they have on some animals and those with certain kinds of PTSD, but I like pyrotechnics. The fireworks themselves give me a certain amount of glee. And I appreciate the independence this country enjoys and was fought hard for. What I didn't enjoy this year was the "shoot'nic" my parents put on, inviting their friends to come on over, eat meat, and shoot guns. I was outspoken about the anxiety guns give me (for good and very personal reasons) and our dogs. But I was overruled, of course, so the "games" commenced, along with loud music with country artists singing about how proud they were to be rednecks and white trash - that's not me slandering those folks, it's their own words. I don't really have anything against the music itself. I just prefer "alternative country" artists that sing about real issues, and bluegrass.

I participated in the lunch, which I enjoyed (I brought vegetarian options for myself) and then the families with children left, along with those who didn't think to bring their own ear protection. Then I spent most of my time inside, along with my mom and an older lady that I figured she felt obligated to keep company. I was also functioning on three-to-four hours of sleep, so I went and laid down part of the time. Thanks to Gabepentin and Propranolol, I wasn't too anxious, and I also witnessed part of the gun action. Watching the shooting take place oddly alleviates my anxiety a little.

Our big dog, Rocko, spent his time on my bed, huddled up against me. But I couldn't figure out why our little dog, Sheila, hadn't joined us. One of my worst fears for the day came true: somehow Sheila had gotten out and had run away. But they kept on shooting, even though she obviously wouldn't come back while the loud noises continued. Once everyone had left, the rest of the day was spent searching our thirty-three acres and along the highway that our house sits on for our lost pup. We had no success, and as night approached so did a thunder-and-lightning storm. Thunder is another of Sheila's fears, and I worried, as I laid awake all night, that we would never find her after that. It was also pouring rain, so I had images in my head of her soaked, shivering, and afraid. I'm surprised that I ever fell asleep, but thanks to Seroquel, I did. In my dreams, I kept visiting different scenarios in which we found her, and when I was woken the next day, it was with the wonderful news that my parents found Sheila on the neighbors' property; soaked and shivering, yes, but whole and safe. I just hope that this will be a lesson to my parents: no more fourth of July parties, especially with firearms or fireworks. Our dogs don't deserve it.

Before and after the holiday has seen me hard at work. I've completed eight songs since the release of Saturn Ascending, on top of the two that I cut from the album. The new EP is well on its way. I'll be cutting some songs from it and probably narrow it down to the old requisite of seven tracks. But this is just one project I've been working on. I've also been creating a playlist of songs from the three albums in which I've taken a more neoclassical path, Dialectical Observations, Pattern Recognition, and Saturn Ascending. It looks like it's going to be twenty tracks. I'm trying not to think of it as a "best of" album. That's gotten me into trouble before.

Previously, I tried to make a "best of" album of songs released between May 2015 and August 2016, beginning with the album Occultation and cutting off at the EP Elemental, with four exceptions of newer versions of older songs. I limited it to twenty songs; it's a nice round number and only a little excessive for a full-length album. It was called Nothing Left To Lose, and for a long time there was just a downloadable demo at my Patreon. When I signed on with my ex-label, Rehegoo Music, it was a catalyst for finally releasing it to the public. To not make it overwhelming, it was split into two parts. It contained my most popular radio "hits," such as "The Last Waltz" and "Darkest Dreams." There are also a few personal favorites, such as "Fervens" and "Safe in Cars." Four songs that had to be on there were "Introducing..."/"Jade's Theme," "Winter's Salve," "The Nocturnal Dervish," and "Fistfuls of Whimsy," all of which had more recent versions recorded. I slipped the "Alternate III," version of "Introducing..." in there, along with the "Simplified Mix" of "The Nocturnal Dervish," the new definitive version of "Winter's Salve," and the "Alternate Spin" of "Fistfuls of Whimsy." That's how you'll find it at Spotify, Google Play, Apple Music and iTunes, Amazon and Amazon Music Unlimited, Deezer, iHeartRadio, Napster, and TIDAL. A "Simpler Mix" of "The Nocturnal Dervish" that I like better has been recorded since, so I replaced the "Simplified Mix" with it at my Bandcamp store.

Rehegoo didn't distribute Nothing Left To Lose to YouTube - I keenly felt its absence and was disappointed that it wasn't accessible on what has become the leading method of the free streaming of music. So I put together a playlist myself. It consisted of my own uploads to YouTube, for which I don't receive royalties. Well, Google Play has been phasing out its music division in favor of YouTube Music, and in the process emailed all of its artists, of which I am an "official" one, of this change. They suggested artists email YouTube and verify themselves for that site, which I did. In doing this, I up-jumped my personal YouTube channel to my "official artist channel," and had all of  DistroKid's uploads of my music transferred to it. Now, for these uploads I do receive streaming royalties, and this motivated me to replace all the videos in the Nothing Left To Lose playlist with my DistroKid videos. So here you have the "official" playlist of Nothing Left To Lose.

Limiting the track list to twenty songs was too, well, limiting. I became dissatisfied with Nothing Left To Lose. There were too many songs among a hundred-plus that feel essential to representing that busy time period, that were left out. Because of that, I constructed a Companion album of twenty more songs, again with some of the more popular tunes, plus a few personal favorites. This album accompanied downloads of Nothing Left To Lose as rewards for pledging at my Patreon. But when I revamped my Nothing Left To Lose playlist at my YouTube channel, it felt like the right time to make the Companion freely available for streaming well. After all, you can already stream all of its songs for free. They just weren't collected together in the Companion's presentation, and I wanted people to have access to these essential songs in one place. So here's the Nothing Left To Lose Companion as a YouTube playlist.

Again, I felt slightly limited. There were just a few songs missing that felt should be a part of this Essential Songs collection. I made a small Addendum that I filled out to the old seven-track requisite. Because of the short length of this EP, I decided to make downloads of it freely available at my NoiseTrade page. And as long as I was making Nothing Left To Lose and its Companion free to stream at my YouTube channel, I made a playlist of the final installment of the 47 Essential Songs collection.

So that wraps that up. However, I always like to leave you guys with something special, so here's another track that's almost certainly going to be on the upcoming EP, currently called Compromising (or Comprises?), that was cu from Saturn Ascending.

I hope this, and "Roundabout" in the article for Saturn Ascending, has you looking forward to the upcoming EP. My next article, if I get my act together, will be focusing on Lorenzo Masotto's new album, Frames, but if I don't get around to it, I strongly urge you to give it a listen, and if that moves you, to buy it and support this amazing composer. Until then (or the next EP) may your inner snails main resilient and determined.

UPDATE: The 47 Essential Songs are now at Spotify. Nothing Left To Lose Parts 1 and 2 were already there, but now the Nothing Left To Lose Companion album and Addendum are now playlists.

Saturn Ascends

I've been a medical mess lately, now with horrible recurring double vision (sometimes triple and quadruple) that has everyone mystified. I've seen my primary care, an optometrist, and an ophthalmologist about it, and all anyone's been able to say about it is, "Your eyes are really screwed up." Like, I know, that's why I'm seeing all these doctors about it! It's been interfering with my ability to work, watch or work on anything with a screen, and to drive.

I'm also getting tremors in my neck and hands. I could barely hold onto my phone the other day. So I just saw my neurologist about it, and he wants my back and brain scanned. My brain was just scanned about two months ago for the double vision.. No abnormalities, but what the hell. Now he's looking for a new problem. I'm already due for an MRI on my liver...maybe I can get them to do everything at once.

But whenever I can, I've been busy writing new songs, and now, not even a year after Pattern Recognition, I'm putting out my eighth full length album! Combined, Sunward and Moonward could have counted, but they didn't really have meshing themes. Well, I've continued down the path that led to Moonward, and now I have Saturn Ascending, which is my favorite thing I've done since Dialectical Observations, almost one-upping it. It's hard to say it's my favorite thing I've ever done, but it's damned close.

It all started with "Pulses Intertwined," which I was able to include on the extended version of Pattern Recognition, and then released as a single on November 30th of last year. That song represented a radical change in my songwriting. I was still on the neoclassical path that led to Pattern Recognition, but after the strings-oriented songs of that album, I returned to my first love, the piano. But the neoclassical riff I wrote demanded abrasive synths, electronic beats, and crunchy guitars, giving it a post-industrial vibe I hadn't really explored since Dialectical Observations. Almost directly afterward, I wrote its siblings "Pierced Heart" and "Dark Highways," both of which had the neoclassical piano, and post-industrial vibes. I was able to include them on an extended version of the single for "Pulses Intertwined."

I started writing more songs of the same style for the EP Moonward, and it turned out five of Moonward's songs were to be included on the upcoming album. I wrote more songs of the same ilk, specifically "Naiads and Dryads" and "Charmed, I'm Sure," both of which have an optimistic tone, but continue down a path of synths and electric guitars. "Naiads and Dryads" is more of a ballad, but "Charmed" has a streak of metal running through it. I was inspired by two older songs for these: "The Cloud Walkers" for "Charmed, I'm Sure," and "The Nocturnal Dervish" for "Naiads and Dryads." Mostly the piano in both cases. I also happened to be working on new versions of the "Dervish" at the time, and it got me switching riffs and variations for the piano on "Dryads," and got me putting in some of my "theremin" in there as well.

It turns out that almost all of the new songs I was writing had some sort of synths melody in them. There's three different bases for the customized synths. One is the "theremin," was is "hip-hop," and the other is "soprano vocals." At least, that's what they turn into once I've turned the dials and knobs. Actually, when I look over the track list, there's not that many. It's just "Pulsar Song," "Dark Highways," "Naiads and Dryads," and "Charmed, I'm Sure" (which really only has it in short bursts).

Let me delve some more into the inspiration for some of these songs. "The Pantheon..." is based on a little ditty I played in my early teens. I was taught it by my on-and-off girlfriend in middle school and high school. I know, a girlfriend, right? She thought it made a lot of sense when I came out of the closet. I'm still in touch with her: she called, somewhat in a panic, when her daughter came out as a lesbian. I know, a daughter old enough to come out. Sigh. I am thirty-six, you know.

Anyway, that ditty has stuck with me, and is the basis for some other songs, specifically "Jaded" and "Self-Righteous." But this is the first time I've played it all the way through. I think the accompanying beats and cello I wrote are pretty kick ass, and the experimental synth that provides some rhythm midway through is pretty interesting. But I was honestly pretty iffy as to whether or not this song would be on the album. I had two playlists going, and one began with "...That Holds Up The Stars" renamed "The Pantheon That Holds Up The Stars." But after playing the piano backward and forward and switching pieces of it down an octave, I did some editing that added a few notes. Those additional notes reinvigorated my enthusiasm for the song, and after upping the tempo, it became pretty concrete that "The Pantheon..." would begin the album.

"...That Holds Up The Stars" is based on four chords I thought were particularly beautiful, that concluded another song, "Two Sons," which didn't make it onto the album. Well, "Sons" is actually a bonus track on the Snail Tunes version. Anyway, I got a kick-ass beat to go with "Stars," and its fate to be on the album was sealed from there. The rest of it wasn't very hard to write. I wrote an accompanying piano melody, and layer by layer it came together. Like I said, it almost started the album. Instead, it became an extreme one-eighty from the opening track. Together, they're pretty incongruous, yet I thought it was a pretty amusing pairing.

"Elation" became an almost new song to me once I edited the violin melody. The change is probably pretty imperceptible to most people. I just nudged a couple of lines back a little bit so they were better timed with the rest of the instrumentation. It made a world of difference to me, though. It's funny, I wasn't entirely convinced of this song when I put it on Moonward, yet it grew on me more and more, and it's streak of metal cemented its place on this album, as almost every song has a similar streak. I'm pretty enthusiastic about this song now, and it pairs very well with "Charmed, I'm Sure," Both songs have pretty optimistic tones. For as much as this album is post-industrial and metallic, overall it's a pretty light-hearted record. I hope that strikes a chord with my friends, family, and followers.

"In The Beginning" almost didn't make it onto the album, but I wanted to show off the rapid-fire piano that streaks through the middle and the electric guitars that conclude them. The problem was pretty much the beginning, which was really hard to come up with. It was a stroke of pure inspiration to place the climactic strings - that run through a repeat of a piano riff and electric guitars - at the beginning. That seemed to solve the problem, and it convinced me to include this song on the album.

"The First Time I Woke Up..." is one of my favorite things I've ever written. Some might find the opening synth a bit piercing - I turned the treble way down to the point I think it actually works. But it gives the song an ambience, with alternations with a bass synth, that I absolutely love. It's one of the most ambient things I've ever written, and I find it very soothing to my soul. Even the metal guitars are very soothing to me. Though I used to be a metal-head, I've never found metal to be particularly soothing. Maybe some post-metal instrumentals. Mostly I find it abrasive and energizing. But here it relaxes me, and also earns its place on the album. I thought it would make a great conclusion, giving it a soft landing. I like soft landings. They cushion the particularly energetic songs that come before. This album may have a pretty ambient beginning, but just like Moonward it builds in energy as it progresses. So landing in an ambient cloud sort of bookends the album.

Two pretty notable songs didn't make it into the main body of the album. They had a place in the playlist, but I thought they didn't mesh well with the overall theme. Here you can give one of the songs a listen and judge for yourself:

"Roundabout" and "Two Sons" are included as bonus tracks on the Snail Tunes version of the album. The standard version can be found at YouTube and YouTube Music, Spotify, Google Play, iTunes and Apple Music, Amazon and Amazon Music Unlimited, Deezer, iHeartRadio, Napster, and TIDAL.

I'm having pretty bad double-vision as I'm typing this, so I'm going to wrap it up. Thank you for all your support, and I hope you enjoy the new album. May your inner snails remain resilient and determined.

The Nocturnal Dervish Lives!

Man, February was a busy month. After publishing Sunward and Moonward, going through all the post-publication processes, and the promotional circus, I had the fourth anniversary of my debut EP, Progress Report (no longer available) on the 19th. Four years since I hit the "publish" button at Bandcamp and made my art accessible to the world. That was such a big step to take. I think every artist struggles with the "am I good enough" self-questioning, and then taking the leap to making their art public is the hardest step they're going to take. That's when I knew an album titled Nothing Left To Lose was down the road, because I literally had nothing left to lose - I was at a low point in my life - when I made that decision. It was also a reference to "Me and Bobby McGee." Aaah, but how freeing is having nothing left to lose and making a giant leap that'll make you fall no further down than you already are.

So here I am four years later, having created seven widely distributed albums, and developed my techniques and evolved with my craft along the way. I think I've seriously come a long way in how I create, and what I create. So I decided to let people freely have the best - or most popular - of my creations, at least up to the point of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This was eight tracks, including "The Last Waltz," "Slowly Scooting Closer," "Darkest Dreams," "Simplify," "The Seventh Swan," "Wrong Pocket Kinda Day," and "The Cloud Walkers (Selenophilia Spin)." As usual, I had it up at my Snail Tunes page for a week, then transferred it over to my NoiseTrade page to sit alongside all the other free downloads I have on offer, including the previous three anniversary EPs. You can stream and download this year's gift, Momentum, here.

I'd gotten a lot of work done up to the point of Sunward and Moonward - fourteen tracks between them - and I've written and recorded even more songs since those EPs' release on February 5th. There's "Naiads and Dryads," "Charmed, I'm Sure," "Roundabout," "The Pantheon...," "...That Holds Up The Stars," "The First Time I Woke Up...," and "Two Sons." These are all written for the upcoming full-length album, Saturn Ascending, that I'm planning to release on May 1st. I've thought about trimming the current playlist, except it all flows together really well. It also includes songs from Moonward. It's a post-industrial album, so the more acoustic and mellow songs of Sunward don't really have a place on it. They don't fit with the overall tone. So what I've got is somewhat pretty, but harder and edgier than Sunward's songs. I'm really happy with how the album is turning out. I think it may be my best yet, even replacing Dialectical Observations as my favorite thing I've ever done. We'll see. Dialectical is pretty hard to beat.

While I was working on all of this, between songs, I was also working on new versions of "The Nocturnal Dervish." I'd known pretty much since publishing the "Simplified Mix" that my work with "Dervish" didn't end there. There were things about the "Simplified Mix" that rubbed me the wrong way, to the point where I couldn't decide if it really contended with the original version or not. The "surprises" that I snuck in there - some extra beats and effects, some changes in the bass - didn't sound that good to me in retrospect. And around the time I decided to include it on Nothing Left To Lose - which I distributed through a label I briefly flirted with, Rehegoo Music - I found the drum tracks overwhelming. And the point of the "Simplified Mix" was to, well, simplify them. It did that, but they were too loud and heavy. So I went into creating a new version with mostly that in mind.

But what I started with was combing through the piano tracks and nudging notes this way and that. I didn't want them to sound perfect. The original song was from a time when I wanted to record only that which I could perform live. However, my neuropathy makes the prospect of performing live impossible, so I eventually decided to embrace being a composer, rather than a rock performer. But back then, everything was raw and a little sloppy. I wanted to stay true to the original, so I did only light editing. I decided not to fuck with the strings and synths. They'd stood the test of time very well, and I didn't want to ruin a good thing. I just nudged a string at the end to a point where it harmonized better, and changed and rerecorded the final piano chords - I think it's the best ending yet. Then I started in on the drum tracks. In some placed, I simplified the beats even further when I thought they muddied the overall sound. In every segment I toned them down, or just moved the bass beats down a notch or two. I also turned down the volume on all the drum tracks (there are three). I carefully balanced them as best I could. And I messed with the volume, echo, and reverb of the other tracks as well. I pretty much remastered the entire song. What I ended up with is, hands down, my favorite version of "Dervish" yet, and I'm very happy to have this "Simpler Mix" to present to you.

Now, I was inspired by the recent work I'd done with "Naked" and "Acoustic" versions of "Why Can't We Have Nice Things?," "Pulses Intertwined," and "Pierced Heart." I'd been experimenting with seeing if songs, with more of a neoclassical structure and piano vibe to them, could stand on their own without the electric guitars, synths, and electronic beats. I thought those three songs did so rather well, and I was pretty certain that "The Nocturnal Dervish" would as well. First I stripped down the new "Simpler Mix," leaving just the piano, strings, and that one "theremin"-like synth that's essential to the melody of a section. It sounded great, and after some remastering, I had a beautiful "Naked" version. Then I recorded beats of an acoustic nature, focusing on hand drums, toms, and an acoustic rock kit. It was a long process. A lot of thought, experimentation, and deleting and rerecording went into it. I moved forward and backward, side-to-side. After I thought I'd finished it, I listened to it a few times, then went back and changed it. But eventually it settled and I felt like I had a perfect "acoustic" version. Then I went through the remastering process again.  And I went back and remastered the "Naked" version. I went through that process with these two versions a few times before I decided I could upload them to the distributor, with two weeks before publication to ensure they would be released at midnight on all streaming platforms and online stores, in all time zones, at midnight, on March 13th. I picked the 13th because it was the two-year anniversary of the EP Counterbalance. I try to release my work on dates that are significant to me.

March has kind of sucked for me. I have sever neuropathy and I ran out of Lyrica. I didn't know how much it would debilitate me, but I was left hardly able to stand and with so little dexterity in my fingers that it was hard to type, let alone compose. My feet felt like they were aching, burning, or I was numb from the knees down. And I couldn't get through to my neurologist for about a week. So I was left only able to watch TV, and try to sleep when I could. Distract, they say, is a valuable coping tool in dialectical therapy. Well, I did a lot of trying to distract myself. And I went a week without being able to work, though I came up with some ideas. There are beautiful chords that wrapp up the new song "Two Sons" that I felt I could develop into a whole new song. There was a change in the beats of "The Pantheon..." (then simply called "Pantheon") that I wanted to try. But I had to wait until I could get Lyrica again. Gabapentin and Tramodol were helping with the pain, but not really managing it. This was a tough time to be me. Afterward, however, I implemented the change in "The Pantheon..." and wrote "...That Holds Up The Stars." Combined, hey make a beautiful opening to Saturn Ascending.

March 13th finally came around and The Nocturnal Dervish 2.0 was released, as planned, across the board in respective timezones at midnight. I clicked the "publish" button on Bandcamp at midnight in my own timezone, and now you can find it at YouTube and YouTube Music, Spotify, Google Play, Apple Music and iTunes, Amazon and Amazon Music Unlimited, Deezer, iHeartRadio, Napster, and TIDAL.  Here we are now, the following day, with the promotional circus on a roll. I still have post-publishing work to do. It needs all the proper tagging, and the ISRCs need to be registered. With only three tracks, this should be easy. Facebook was fucking up yesterday, so I lost a whole day of promoting there, but I was able to publish on Google Plus (which will sadly be going away on April 22nd) and now I'm catching Facebook up. And this blog article should tell you everything you need to know!

Before I leave you, here's a special treat: "Naiads and Dryads," I think my most "finished" song for Saturn Ascending.

Farewell for now and, as always, may your inner snails remain resilient and determined.

Ever Sunward and Moonward

It's been a busy Fall and Winter, coming on the heels of my last full-length album, Pattern Recognition. I've always had some project or other keeping me busy as the cold has been keeping me indoors. And, for the most part, I've been really inspired. Even before Pattern Recognition was published, during the window between sending it in to my distributor and publication, I had new songs going. When I was less busy writing for the album, I kept myself going by taking on a challenge my step-dad put to me. He's often asked me how I expect to get a job composing for film or television if I don't have a soundtrack to submit. I've often thought that some filmmaker would hear my work, get interested, and hire me on, because it's kind of a chicken-or-the-egg thing, right? How do I write a soundtrack to something unless I get hired to do it. Well, my step-dad's suggestion has been to make some sort of sample. Edit some video together or shoot something, then score it. He also put forth a particular challenge: to score his favorite poem, "Ulysses," by Alfred Tennyson.

I was coming off an album that was largely ambient-neoclassical, with less weird synths and electric guitars than I usually use. I'd placed a lot of focus on strings arrangements, but I found myself returning to the piano. I'd been heading down a more acoustic path, and that's what I felt would fit well with a "soundtrack" vibe. I was also asked by my step-dad to "keep in mind you aren't writing for twenty-somethings." I didn't point out that most twenty-somethings don't listen to instrumental music. I've taken a look at the demographics on streaming sites and found that my music mostly appeals to the 40-50 age range. But, well, he's in his late seventies, and I've always been somewhat ahead of my time, so I guess we meet in the middle somewhere, right? Anyway, I decided to write something that's a bit different for me, and to keep a mostly acoustic mindset.

"Ulysses" has a lot of mariner-and-the-sea metaphors and imagery going on, so I felt immediately pulled in the direction of using swelling strings to convey the sea, and to use tinkling plucked guitar strings for the wind. I kept things simple, swelling and ebbing at first, but I feel the poem gradually builds in intensity. So I had simple acoustic drums and piano building in complexity. From listening to other soundtracks, I decided I need to use rapid staccato strings more in my music. So they help bring the song to its crescendo. I had the criticism that the song builds and doesn't really go anywhere. I felt that was kind of unjust, as I feel the climax and its conclusion are satisfying, but eh, to each their own, right? Every opinion is valid (unless it's not mine).

There was the thought of inserting a voiceover of the poem in the song. I was on the fence about it, even put it forth to a British friend (the voice has to be British, you see) but I guess he was busy at the time. I thought of turning to a friend who's a radio personality with a voice for it - I really didn't want to do the reading myself. Anyway, he isn't British. Nothing really panned out, and like I said, I was on the fence about it anyway. In the end, I decided to let the music stand on its own. I never did share it with my step-dad. His point was that I send it to filmmakers. I also learned later that he was thinking of twenty minutes of music for every couple of lines, which would make it longer than any motion picture length score, and I had written three minutes of music for a poem it would take less than three minutes to recite. So, different expectations, you know? I haven't sent it to any filmmakers, or outright said it was a soundtrack for a poem, except for here and now, and in posts for the song in particular, but I thought it would make a nice intro. It was set as track 01 on Sunward from pretty much the beginning.

"Never Been to San Francisco" was written about the same time. It was something that I kept coming back to and toying around with. Originally it was inspired by the piano intro of Tori Amos' "Muhammad My Friend," but I just haven't got the practice of writing something for piano that intricate for an extended period. I ended up just rewriting the piano in a few different ways and structuring the song around these variations. That's how my writing style works a lot of the time, if you haven't noticed. "Counterintuitive" and "Toes" are much the same way. Again in "San Francisco" you hear me trying out those bursts of rapidly staccato strings that were used in "Ulysses." And apparently I liked that tinkling of guitar strings so much that I used something similar in "Counterintuitive."

I was still in somewhat of a "soundtrack" mindset when I was writing "San Francisco," so it's largely acoustic and has some shifting moods. But "Counterintuitive" and "Toes," while using the method-of-variations writing style that I employed in "San Francisco," found me returning to using electronic sounds. They're pretty mellow, however. Even though Sunward was turning out to be acoustically themed, they felt better suited for that EP, when I finally decided there were going to be two EPs. That was a painful tug-of-war, deciding on an album or two EPs. You can tell which side of the fence I finally landed on. What both options had in common (I had playlists for each) was that they ended with "Toes." Not really sure why. I wasn't even sure if I was going to share "Toes." I don't think it's by any means an example of my best work. It was mostly written because it was amusing me at the time, but it continues to amuse me, and it kept growing on me. I hope it provides some relaxation for folks, as that's its primary goal. To just provide some stimulation with the variations, and to provide comfort with its repetition. And I like the beats. I think the beats worked out quite well, and the swells of electronics were particularly inspired.

The name "Toes" came to me because it was written around the same time as "San Francisco," which had been going by the name "Twinkle." So, "Twinkle" and "Toes," get it? Twinkle toes. It just never changed.

Now, while writing for Pattern Recognition, I had stripped down "Why Can't We Have Nice Things?" to a "Naked" version without beats, synths (almost entirely), electric guitars, or the blaring bassoon, and included it as a bonus track on a version of Pattern exclusive to my Snail Tunes store. I decided early on that I wanted to make it more accessible to people, and that it would be included on my next project. But I took it the next level by putting beats back into it, but this time oriented around hand drums, toms, and other acoustic sounds. So the "Naked" version is still exclusive to that version of Pattern Recognition. I'm sharing the "Acoustic" version here, instead.

Similarly to "Why Can't We Have Nice Things?" I thought a couple of my newer songs could stand well on their own without electronic sounds. Those would be "Pulses Intertwined" and "Pierced Heart," of course. With their neoclassical-like piano and strings, I felt you could strip away the electric guitars, synths, and beats, and still have complete songs. With the acoustic sounds of "Ulysses," "San Francisco," and "Why Can't We Have Nice Things?" it seemed only natural to include them on Sunward. And as long as I was stripping songs down to their neoclassical elements, I thought it would be interesting to try on a much older song, "The Nocturnal Dervish." I'd already been finally getting around to making the "Simpler Mix" that I'd been thinking of doing pretty much since I published the "Simplified Mix," and I was inspired to try it out with its barest bones. I think this worked out quite well. With some of the subtle changes I'd made for the "Simpler Mix," I made a "Naked" version. I had to keep the "theremin"-like synth that provides the melody for a large chunk of the song, and I translated the electric bass to an upright for the end of the song where the bass is a necessity, but it all worked out quite well, and I really wanted to share it. So it's a hidden bonus track on Sunward at Snail Tunes, but to make it a little more widely accessible, I've included it here for you as well.

You can find the standard version of Sunward at Amazon, Google Play, iTunes and Apple Music, Spotify, TIDAL, Deezer, YouTube and YouTube Music, Napster, and iHeartRadio.

I was really torn about whether to put out a full-length album or two EPs, so I worked on both until it was decided, which was uncomfortably close to when I sent the EPs on to the distributor. When I was working on the album playlist, I found myself integrating two different styles. I'd been continuing down the ambient-neoclassical path set before me on Pattern Recognition when writing "Ulysses" and "Never Been To San Francisco," then found myself doing almost a complete one-eighty. I wrote a two-handed neoclassical piano piece, but it was demanding electronic beats and electric guitars. It was also a bit darker than anything I'd written in a while, and the synths I found myself inspired toward were rather abrasive. I found myself writing as if for my sixth album, Dialectical Observations, but with some of the techniques I'd picked up while working on Pattern Recognition, and I thought this was perhaps the most inspired piece I'd worked on in quite sometime. It came out in a rush, and I found myself wanting to share "Pulses Intertwined" almost right away. I was sending it in to radio stations and hosts when I should have been promoting for Pattern - it felt that done and that complete, that quickly. The single was released, belatedly, about two months later, after it was aired by pretty much every entity I'd sent it to. It was, of course, the first preview of what would be coming on my next project.

"Pulses Intertwined" represented a shift in writing style for me. First, it was taken in a darker direction, as evident in "Dark Highways." And I was back to using synths, electric guitars, and electronic beats in "Pierced Heart." These two songs felt like siblings to "Pulses." "Pierced Heart" was written using pretty much the same formula of neoclassical piano surrounded by post-industrial elements. "Dark Highways" and "Pierced Heart" were included as bonus tracks on a Patreon exclusive version of the single for "Pulses Intertwined," and all three were bonus tracks on the Snail Tunes version of Dialectical Observations (Remastered). I just couldn't keep a lid on those songs for very long. I think I showed great restraint in making them exclusive to those versions of the single and the album.

As I wrote more songs following "Pulses Intertwined" that were darker, edgier, or higher-energy, it became apparent that splitting a potential album into Sunward and Moonward (the names were picked out before a decision was made) was the way to go. "Elation" sounded as though it could have been on Pattern Recognition, and maybe because of that it could have been on Sunward, except that it had a mile-wide streak of metal running through it. And even though "Counterintuitive" has electric guitars in it, "Elation" wasn't nearly mellow enough for Sunward. "Thump!" (not the most imaginative title, but I never felt like it needed changing) like "Elation" was a bit lighter in tone than "Pulses," "Highways," or "Pierced," but it has heavy electronic beats, making it, well, too heavy for Sunward. And "Self-Righteous" was calling to mind Dialectical Observations' "Movement," definitely too industrial for Moonward's light-hearted sister.

The two EPs found themselves balancing each other out at every step, and just when I thought that perhaps I shouldn't include one of the acoustic versions of Sunward to make them even at six tracks each, I started writing "Pulsar Song." While listening to a song on a soundtrack for a television show - I can't remember what, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't part of the instrumental score - I was struck by the exceedingly simple electric guitar riff that the song was built around. There was no reason why I couldn't do the same, or why I should feel "bad" about doing so. It was one of those times I had to remind myself that complexity doesn't necessarily make for a good song; that a song can be impactful even if it's simple. And, thanks to that song, I already had a simple, stately electric guitar riff stuck in my head. I went ahead and recorded it, and other simple elements began to build themselves around it. It quickly began to grow on me, and after translating the piano to cello halfway through, and then picking up the pace of the beats, I was sold on it. Kind of last-minute, I had a song that was a fitting second track to transition from the ambience of "Dark Highways" to the higher energy of the rest of the EP. And I had evened Moonward out with Sunward, so that all of the acoustic versions could be included and still have a matching number of tracks.

Now, pretty much ever since publishing "The Nocturnal Dervish (Simplified Mix)," I had felt torn about some of the additions I made to it after putting so much emphasis on simplifying it. There would almost certainly be a simplified "Simplified Mix," and the time came when I had finished writing songs for Sunward and Moonward. The time was long overdue, actually, since upon listening to Nothing Left To Lose I really wanted to remaster the song as well. I'd just grown increasingly dissatisfied with it, and wanted also to breathe new life back into one of my songs that has long been one of my most popular. So I combed through it's instrumentation. I wanted to be careful not to change too much, but I adjusted the volume and position of a note here and there, particularly in the piano and bass. I thought a lot of it withstood the test of time rather well. No changes felt necessary for the synths or most of the strings, and when it came to both, I didn't want to chance ruining a good thing by obsessing or rerecording. I changed the position of a couple of cello notes, and that was it. And I rerecorded the closing piano chords, and I'm actually really happy with that. All around, I'm extremely happy with how it all turned out. And it made the "Naked" version that much better. But I like to think that this is "The Nocturnal Dervish" as it's meant to be heard, remastered and reinvigorated. It's been included as a hidden bonus track on the Snail Tunes version of Moonward, but again, I wanted to make it a little more widely accessible, so here it is:

I  also like to make all of my blog readers feel a little extra special, so I hope the inclusion of these two bonuses do the appropriate stroking. Enjoy!

The standard version of Moonward can also be found at Amazon, Google Play, iTunes and Apple Music, Spotify, TIDAL, Deezer, YouTube and YouTube Music, Napster, and iHeartRadio.

I hope these two EPs sate your appetites for my music for a while. I've already written and recorded two new songs, and have a third and fourth in the works, toward my next project, which will be a full-length album, with material from Sunward and Moonward, and original songs. Until then, may your inner snails remain resilient and determined!